This is the first summer that I am working from home. School has been out for two and a half weeks. My introverted self is suffering. I love my daughter very much and love being able to spend more time with her. But she wants to be with me ALL THE TIME. The other day, I got up from the breakfast table. She got up too. I said, “I’m just going to the bathroom.” She replied, “I’ll come too.” I said, “I’d like to go to the bathroom by myself this time.” She did not go back to the table. I think I did manage to convince her not to follow me that time. But this is my life now. Everywhere I go, there is someone else there.
I used to get my alone time mostly in the evenings after she and Mom went to bed. But she has adopted this teenager-like schedule pretty quickly since school got out. She stays up past 10 most nights and then sleeps in in the morning. I am not a morning person, so this should appeal to me, but with her up so late, I lose my quiet time. I try to get her to bed on time. I really do. She just doesn’t fall asleep!
I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs type indicator quite a few times over the years and each time I am most definitely on the “I” end of the Introvert/Extrovert spectrum. There is no doubt of my preference on that one. Having studied the MBTI, I know that means that I get my energy from being alone. And lately, I’ve been exhausted. It dawned on me the other day that there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m just never alone anymore. I don’t get to re-charge enough. I have decided that what I need to do is change my schedule so that I go to bed when she does, but wake up early. It will be a challenge. Both ends – going to bed and getting up. But I know that is a healthier schedule in general and if it allows me some time to renew myself in the morning, that can only be helpful.
For now, I’m up at 11:30pm writing this. I’m tired after a long day. Tonight I don’t want to stay up late or get up early – I want to sleep for two days. But I can’t do that either. I don’t know if I’ll ever succeed at changing my schedule. Maybe I should set a little easier goal: going to the bathroom by myself.